Thursday, May 28, 2015

Off the grid

Recently I traveled back home to Oklahoma for my Nana's 90th birthday.  It was a much needed visit.  I reconnected with my family who are scattered about the midwest and was able to see my friend Shannon and most of the members of her adorable family.

I was scheduled to be there for five days and they went by in a blur.  I was barely able to spend any time with my mom and dad and couldn't really kick around the place like I did three years ago on my visit back to get better from the hard knocks of life.

Before this visit I had romanticized my time there.  I love my family, it's a huge one, and I enjoy every moment with them, but there isn't much for me in Oklahoma anymore and I have to swallow that I have made my life here.

I am sipping on a glass of Pinot Noir that my husband purchased from the grocery store and earlier we discussed our desire to go to the beach on Sunday for family day.  I have a coupon for a bottle of vodka and I want to go to the grocery store and pick it up before it expires.  I can't do any of these things there.  Next Tuesday I return to my improv class at Upright Citizens Brigade, because it's something fun to do, that choice would only be viable in NYC or L.A. 

While away though, I enjoyed the celebration of my Nana and I really loved not touching the keyboard and unlocking the gateway to social media, blogging, vlogging and a giant mass of emails telling me why I should be doing all of these things, how to make money doing it and why I need 100,000 followers to be worth a shit in the entertainment industry.

Maybe that's all true, but at my parents house, none of it mattered.  I didn't need wine but I did have a night of booze at the best cocktail bar in America called Valkyrie.  I hope that place enjoys many years and releases a recipe book someday, because outside of my parents lush wooded property, it's one of my favorite places.

I spent an extra day in Oklahoma that I told few people about.  My flight had been cancelled due to this horrible weather the middle of the country is having and I quietly spent the day with my mom and Cora, my dad joined in later.  Here are some photos I took with my new Canon Rebel that I like to consider my off the grid collection.  I just got the camera a week ago so I have a lot to learn!  As with any creative endeavor, I'm pretty excited about the prospect of capturing images as my eye sees them and this camera is the closest I have come to that.

 wait... is that a...

 yes it's a peacock

I will always be conflicted with guilt about being this far away from family, but something about California enveloped me the day I moved here.  I love it here, I love my family in Oklahoma.  I have soft spot for this land of my parents and wish I could have the best of both worlds.  If I have to choose, I choose L.A. but wouldn't mind a small lot of land in Oklahoma to escape to when I need to clear my head. 

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Rhada Beauty Vitamin C Serum with Retinol Moisturizer

Recently I began using Radha Beauty Vitamin C Serum accompanied with Retinol Moisturizer.  This is the magic combination.

First I will begin with the Vitamin C Serum.  It retails for $16.89 on Amazon.  It is an affordable luxury for your skin.  It has made my skin feel softer.  I like that it dries quickly and I am able to follow up with the moisturizer that both hydrates and leaves my skin smooth for application of my makeup.

The moisturizer, which, as I mentioned above is great under makeup, retails for $21.89.  Also, it works great under makeup.  I find that many moisturizers either leave a sticky film or are just impossible to work foundation over.  This one is wonderful to work with.

I have noticed a smoother appearance in my skin tone.  As for fine lines and wrinkles, I cannot say anything will get rid of those.  I have been using wonderful skincare for quite some time but we cannot fight age, we can only work with it and make sure our skin looks as good as we feel inside.

As my Botox fades and I wonder if I am even interested in getting it again, I can say I am seeing my fine lines come back and I'm not sure if I care.  I think I just need to figure out another way to do my makeup as my skin gets older.  Inevitably we all age, and fillers can look weird after awhile.  My goal is to focus on even skin tone and keeping hydrated skin.  If this is also your goal, then this product is a wonderful addition to your skincare routine.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Journey into the unknown...

I have had a lot on my mind lately.

I need to publish posts that have nothing to do with my blog.

I need to figure out if we are staying in Los Angeles or leaving back to Oklahoma.

I have started an improv class and sometimes I feel like I suck at it.

I wish I knew what to do to entertain my daughter but my heart breaks when I think of her growing up here.

There are a lot of I's in this and perhaps I need to let go and just let it be.

But it's hard because I want to get started.

Started on what...I don't know.

A life of solid substance.  A house built of stone in the middle of the woods somewhere where droughts are a thing that happened in the dust bowl era.

I want a reverse Grapes of Wrath with my life.  I want to move East but not the smart part.  I want to live in a place where Cora can scope the woods for stories and let her imagination wander to faeries and their dwellings and whether or not the gnomes in the garden come alive when we go to sleep.

I want her to know her Big Pa and to be able to pull his finger at will and giggle at his farts like she giggles at her own.  I know where she gets that... I want her to know too.

I love L.A.  I want to stay for selfish reasons, but I am not just I anymore and I am boring and horrible on my own.

I read an article about how the woman child isn't as endearing as the man child and how there is rarely a redeeming quality in the end of a Hollywood story since we have abandoned the whole Prince Charming idea.  I say this is as fucked up as anything, women can be redeemed and this is a good thing, if you craved redemption...and I did.

I want to hear the frogs by the pond, see lighting bugs and hear the cicadas as the night falls.  I want to sit on a long driveway and listen to lions roar as horses gallop by in the silver moonlight while my dog's breath lays moisture on my shin.  This won't happen again but I am honored to have that memory.

My dog has departed, her ashes spread across the Pacific and the lion ceases to roar as he has departed the prison he was caged in due to the horrible spending habits of a sports star people revere because they are told to.

A million buzzing things in my head make my ramblings look like that of a crazy person.  They say if you know you're crazy then you probably aren't.  Do the drunk crunchy surfers who frequent my bar with delusions of grandeur know they are crazy?  No, perhaps they don't when they tell me high school boys are jealous of their golden locks and fat pockets.

Sometimes my life feels like a dream.  Not a fairytale.  Just a weird fucking dream of inconsistent mishmash, shooting stars and my inability to simply make a wish.

Monday, May 4, 2015


A loving embrace, an overwhelming feeling of desire to do or be me, that is passion.  People say they lose their passion as they age.  I think that's sad.  I think the secret to youth and vigor is to find something to be passionate about.  We must always search for the reason to live.  We can all find something that makes us light up first thing in the morning.

Here are some of the things that light me up:

 My husband whom I only grow fonder of and deeper in love with.


 Baking pies.

 Breathtaking views.

 My family.

 My dreams reflected in the California sky.


 I miss her.  She was my love for a long time.

 Drinking wine with the ones I cherish.

 Maintaining my health and helping others with theirs.

 Cooking delicious fancy food.

 I make a mean cocktail.

 I will protect and cherish my cub.

 The arts.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Selfie, selfish, spectacular

Each month, I wait until the first of the month, to make a commitment to myself to blog everyday this month.  Here we are, Day 3 of May, and I'm going to try...again.

Today Brian, Cora and I all went to the Griffith Park Observatory.  For whatever reason the parking lot was closed and everyone was being asked to park on the street.  We didn't want to push a stroller up a busy street so we U-turned and traveled back down the hill trying to figure out what to do.  Cora doesn't deal well with cars so she was beginning to get restless.  We finally pulled into an open parking area, stressed to the max, with no idea what we would do next in this insanely huge park.  I wanted to go to the kids play area but Brian didn't like the dirt, so I said let's cross the street and walk, at which point people were just running at us as they exercised.  So, we crossed the street again, took a turn, and found the most charming path!

Lately, I have been striving toward living in the moment.  I'm glad we changed our minds about the observatory and walked this path instead.  This photo is one of many moments we spent in the woods and I will put some of the rest on my end of the week family vlog on my YouTube Channel.  

Everyday I want to sit down and write and I do have a couple of double days coming up because I was supposed to begin this on the 1st.

I'm doing a blog challenge using the prompts from BlogHer.  I thought this month I might actually be able to keep up because it's centering around photos.  The first prompt is, do I like taking selfies?  The weird thing is, I have been taking them for as long as I have had an iPhone.

And now, in scrambled order, here are a few from the last 5 years of my life!

I love taking selfies because they put moments and emotions into words that I sometimes cannot express.  In each of the above photos, I know what I was thinking, what emotions were boiling under the surface, and I love that I have these memories to remind me of where I have been in my life during inner struggles and times of great beginnings and happenings. 

In my next blog I will be sharing photos of My Passion!

NaBloPoMo May 2015