Sunday, November 3, 2013

One Ripe Pear

83 days until my due date!

One Ripe Pear

The Story of an Old Pregnant Woman

Sometimes I feel like I have been duped.  I listened to people when they said to chase after my career first and have kids later.  They said get established and then have one or two.  I followed their advice but I took the career path of an actress/model.  At a certain age, the modeling jobs disappeared and I turned into actress/bartender.  These jobs require me to look a certain way, so kids just never factored in.  Then I met my husband, right before I turned 36.  Now I'm 37, pregnant, have placenta previa, probably because I'm old, and I never quite established that career.  

I went from thinking looking like this and taking proud selfies...

To looking for stuff like this online...

I'm pretty sure I need to look like the top photo to continue bartending and auditioning in Hollywood, because I'm not sure how my career would fare breaking out the pumps during an audition or mid shift on Hollywood and Vine.

There is also a term for a woman my age having a baby.  It's called geriatric antepartum.  When my doctor told me this is what I was I almost fell off the exam table.  After years of lying about my age, I didn't quite know how to swallow that.  I asked if I needed a cane on my return visit or perhaps he could have a walker waiting for me at the door.  He didn't think that was funny.  I switched doctors.

The other side of it as an aging female in Hollywood, as if that isn't hard enough, is the weight gain.  I have written about this before, the back fat, now cellulite and ankle fat...who am I?  I was sitting on the bed looking at my reflection in the full length mirror and I couldn't help but notice my body was taking the shape of my future baby.  I think I look like a giant baby.

As for the weight, when I went in they asked me how much I weighed prior to the pregnancy.  I really couldn't answer that, after lying about my age and weight for years I was at a loss.  What did I weigh?  I always shaved off 10 pounds due to my large breasts and after awhile I was comfortable enough saying 118-120, no one ever questioned it.  I still am not sure of my previous weight.  

And now I'm pregnant and the bump is small.  I don't look like I'm in my 7th month.  In fact, I went into wardrobe a week ago and the costume designer said "hmmmm, let's see what we have to make you look more pregnant"

Hollywood's version of pregnant...

Here's a photo from The Secret Life of the American Teenager

Seriously?  How far along is she supposed to be?  She has a huge belly and no fat anywhere else.  Does this mean I should have just had that baby in high school?  Or do they think we just grow a massive belly and nothing else.  I usually joke that I am mostly pregnant in my boobs.

So the truth is, I am thrilled beyond belief to be carrying a baby.  I feel duped because no one told me it was so dangerous at my age.  No one told me about the risks of downs, miscarriage or previa.  I suppose I didn't ask either.  It's not like that really comes up in Hollywood conversation when we are all lying about our age and what year we graduated high school, honestly, I'm not even sure of half my friends professional name is different than my real name so it's all one big illusion.  So once again, I feel like Alice in the Looking Glass as a pregnant woman in Hollywood.  I can't work the jobs I always have and I'm afraid my skillset for office work is good, but nothing that can keep my attention for longer than 2 or 3 hours.  

So, this old ripe pear is going to ride out this pregnancy and enjoy every breakdown or over elated moment that comes my way.  Today I cried watching a 30 Seconds to Mars short film that I put up in one of my earlier posts.  I know a lot of this is normal, but I can't help wondering if I would be this exhausted and unmotivated if I weren't so damn "old."

1 comment:

  1. Hi there, first congratulations on your pregnancy. Enjoy every minute of it and embrace it! I loved the second pic and especially the geriatric antepartum statement (the walker and the cane) lol how funny. Wow! Stopping by from BlogHer Nablopomo. Nice to meet you.